The Tale of Salina Quinn
by Salina Quinn
Summary: Goblins and Wizards and Time Lords...Oh my! Take a glimpse inside the head of a poor new found writer and her descent into insanity...without pay...HELP!
1. Chapter 1

It's hard to decide where it all began, really. That's the funny thing about us...it doesn't matter at what age, when you absorb something, it stays. A character always remains with you if you find pleasure in it. My first guide to through the Mists of fantasy was named Peter. Peter Pan. Of course, he has led many people through, but not many people stayed. I dwelt there, every chance I got. But eventually, I got too old. Right before my 14th birthday, while I was visiting, Pan decided I was now "growing up", which is against the rules, so he kicked me out of Neverland. Of course, this angered me the tiniest bit (I nearly destroyed a small part of the Indian Village), but eventually, I got over it. Oh, I still visit Neverland, but as the island no longer accepts me, I find myself in the charming company of pirates. Hook has a bit of a penchant for drowning and keel-hauling people, by the way. Nasty business. But it was strange, being without a Fantasy home. But then, only a few days before my birthday, I saw a movie called Labyrinth. Drawn in, I decided that I would explore a new realm, and met the Goblin King. We didn't have a good first impression. But eventually, we came to an agreement...he would stop sending me extremely disturbing dreams and just rule his bloody kingdom. In return, I would stop putting ideas in his innocent young goblins' minds. It's not my fault, I just taught them a few tricks... but what he failed to mention was his annoying habit of placing himself in your head, and staying there.  
>I have a small place cleared in my mind for that time between boredom and daydreaming, and he moved in. Then it got worse. He opened his bloody mouth and now comments on EVERYTHING! He pesters me and pesters me...and started calling me Scribe, for whatever reason. Then suddenly, an idea popped up...and Iwrote it down. And the git said I was finally doing my job...so I got the general gist of it after that. I write stories; he stops complaining. Hypothetically, anyway. Of course, so called constructive criticism never hurt anyone. So he says. Actually, sometimes it's interesting to hear his "comments" on my daily life. That, and after he moved in, others soon followed...Not just denizens of his kingdom, either. The Phantom of the Opera is here, as is Graverobber and the (dis)honorable CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. It's crowded. HELP ME! Then their female counterparts moved in...and we can't forget the Doctor and his TARDIS...and all those Harry Potter characters...But of course, His Royal Highness takes second to no other. So it's mostly gonna be all about him. If he can stop fighting with all the others...and flirting with one in particular...(no, not you Harkness. Shut up, you flirt. I mean Sarah. Who needs a clue...really hard upside the head.) Anyway, at least my life is interesting. Hectic, but interesting. May the gods and whoever else takes it upon themselves to listen to the lament of my pitiful soul preserve what lttle sanity I have left. I'm gonna need it to keep the goblins out of my brothers' room... Lucky for me I have my trusty assistants, Quill, Skeetch, Hop and Skip. I'm not kidding about the last two names, either. I blame the King. Of course, I blame a lot of these things on him lately...That's what he gets for wreaking so much havoc at first. Not my fault I retaliate against authority sometimes. Anyway, that's the first installment. I only hope I survive the flames sure to come...OOH, Skip brought marshmellows! Ok, bring on the heat, we're ready for you!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

One day, while sitting around in my home, a tell tale *poof* sounded. Surrounded by glitter, I sighed and turned around. "What now, your Majesty?", I asked, mildly sick of his (constant) nagging. An annoyed, clipped accent responded. "I have simply come to inform you that Rosalinda has slipped through the Veil again, and I would much appreciate it if you kept an eye out. That is all." ..."Wait, your asking nicely?"  
>"Would you prefer I ordered you? I can, you know."<br>"No thanks. But...that's it? I mean, don't you usually send a goblin, or a message or something?"  
>" Yes, but I have recently been told I don't treat my subjects 'fairly'. So I have taken it upon myself to be more understanding."<br>" Ok 1, no glitter poofing on the carpet. 2, it was Sarah again, wasn't it?"  
>The dead silence as enough to answer that question. With a sigh, I realized it was once again up to me to smooth things over with a gentle, soothing touch. "You know the rules. You can pout...I mean glower ominously over in that corner. I have some things that need doing, and I don't need a glittery, hormonal goblin monarch getting in the way. I'll listen to your stereotypical complaining later." He cracked half a smile. Yep, gentle and sweet, that's me. Honestly, if he wanted babying, he wouldn't have come here. Although that Rosalinda issue would need to be resolved...and soon... For those of you who don't travel the Veil that often, Rosalinda is a demon posessed evil chicken who is out to kill anything that moves and generally make Kingy's life miserable. also, if left unattended, she might eat my food, which is a no go. And since Skip had burst out crying last time I asked if I could eat her, bodily harm is a last resort. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel, but Skip is just a little kid...and COME ON, he was crying! And he's an apprentice helper! So yeah, he holds a special place, as do the rest of my honorary scribes in training. Also, he brings marshmellows for flames. Thus began the Great Chicken Search...which ended 3 hours later when Rosalinda was found under my brother's bed, huddled into a terrified ball of feathers. I don't know what she saw, but apparently ever sense she has had a strange aversion to cheese and shoelaces.<br>Rosalinda having been found, I gave the monarch my undivided attention. "So tell me Kingy, what did the fair, cruel lass do to the big, bad Goblin King wrong today?". "Don't call me Kingy."  
>"Hmmm...no. I don't feel like whim-catering today, King or not. Now, whats up?"<br>"Well, it started out normal..." I give a quick command to Quill, because he has the best handwriting. "Record what he says, Quill! We'll write down what happened. Start with...The King was stalking his unwilling soulmate again..."  
>" You got it!"<br>"I WAS NOT! IT IS NOT 'STALKING'! IT IS MERELY KEEPING AN EYE ON HER SO SHE DOESN'T GO AND GET HERSELF INTO MORE BLOODY TROUBLE!"  
>"Wow, whatever it was, it must have been bad...after the stalking comment, record that they were both hormonal...and you should proably mention the fact that he's now producing black glittr, a sure sign of angst..."<br>..."Quinn, the King's turning a funny color of purple again..."  
>"OOOOH! RECORD THAT IT'S IMPORTANT!" ..." OOH! QUILL! Kingy hasn't made pretty sparklies that color since the meany pretty birdy laid eggs in his bed!"<br>"Hush, Skip. Though what idiotic bird would mate with Rosalinda is beyond me...sshhhhhhhhhh, Skip! I didn't mean anything by it! Of course she's a pretty birdy! Oh gods...HOP!"  
>"Yes'm?"<br>"Take your brother for a walk."  
>"Ok, Miss Quinn."<br>"Cut it with the 'Miss' business. I'm too young for honorifics. You will call me Scribe, Salina, or Quinn."  
>"Ok, Miss Quinn!"<br>..."Just go."  
>By now, the King we were allegedly supposed to be comforting a turned purple...then red...then started banging his head against the wall...and then disappeared in a poof of signifigantly black glitter that said the Bog for the next thing to cross him.<br>"Did you get his reaction, Quill?" "Yep!"  
>"Good, it'll go great with our other files on how to get rid of him...Because despite your arguements, we're not cutting him a break. It's not as much fun. Now hold fort, I'm going to go get Sarah. Then may the Gods pity me for the task ahead..."<br>"Whaddya mean, Salina?"  
>"I'm going to have to get them to kiss and make up...figuratively..."<br>"Why figuratively?"  
>"HA! Why d'ya think Kingy poofed in here? Sarah's dating!"<br>"Oh no..."  
>"You said it, mate. You said it." <div> 


	3. Sarah and

After searching for the unwilling reciever of my monarch's affections, I sat her down for a serious heart to heart girl talk. I sat her down and started my interrogation.  
>" How's your new relationship with Fred coming along?" I ask tentatively... Kingy has been known to mark his territory...and he doesn't like to share.<br>"Oh, great! At first I thought that glittery fairy prat would show up and try to ruin it again, but strangely, all the goblins he sends after Fred tend to get right along with him! Must be the similar personalities." I nod, seeing how that could happen, and choosing not to tell her about George's complaints about dissappearing socks. I have a feeling the goblins would be mortified...  
>"Look, Sar. You know I hate it that Jareth doesn't like relationships with anyone besides himself, but hon...This thing with Fred, are you really into him, or is it something else?"<br>Her response was spluttering out words. "Of course it's real! I like Fred a lot! He's funny, and charming, and cute, and magical, and a ginger! And he doesn't mind the goblins, he's wonderful! I could really dig this guy!" Unfortunately for her, I caught that last part.  
>"Could? Like could...if it weren't for the Goblin King? Come on Sar, we both know your doing this to make him jealous. Which is, by the way, working like a charm."<br>Of course, this was followed by her turning beet red, throwing forth denial, and then finally sighing and looking down. Then suddenly, her head snapped up and she glared. I mean 1800 killowats of pure rage.  
>"Why are you pointing this out? Is it my fault that bloody glittery fairy prat can't get a girl? Why does it matter to you?"<br>Of course, I did the stupidest thing humanely possible given the circumstances. I replied in a fully intelligent and reasonable tone. "Well first of all, it's pretty bloody obvious to everyone but you and him. Secondly, I want you happy! Thirdly, he's my king, and it doesn't do for him to mope in my room all the time. Also, you drug Fred into this, and he's mine! I'm not sharing! Finally, he actually CAN get a girl, and could probably have any girl on God's green earth, but for some reason, he picked you! Now, do I need to assign you an oubliette, or are you going to calm down enough to do me a solid?"  
>..."Fine, I owe you. Wait...I don't like that look...what are you planning? I TAKE IT BA-" "OI, KINGY!"<br>Enter, still mopey, Goblin King. "I said to stop calling me Kingy! Now what do you want now, confounded fe-Oh, Sarah! Fancy seeing you here, darling!"  
>"Kingy, Sarah and I have been talking. I know that look, and don't you dare poof away! I have convinced her that, since she and Fred have broken up, she will spend the evening unchapheroned in your company. Any funny business, and it's owl sausage for breakfast. Savvy?"..."And stop getting that bloody happiness glitter all over my rug. And don't look at me that way, Sarah, you owe me. Now, toodles!"..."GET THE BLOODY BOG OUT OF HERE! GO ON YOUR DATE! STOP GAWKING!"<br>****poof****  
>..."Owl sausage? Really, Quinn?"<br>"Eh, what can I say, Quill? I'm too nice. Now go get a vacuum...bloody fae..."  
>*FOUR HOURS LATER*<br>With a sigh and a muttered farewell to this world, I turn around to find a very smug magical creature. However, not the normal one. This one, for one, was a goat waist down, and had dark coloring instead of , and his eyes weren't mismatched. This was a whole different being, who had been around long before the Goblin King moved in. We were in for some trouble. With a similar smirk, I greet him fondly.  
>"Puck! It's been a while! Where've you been? Annoying the royalty, I hope?" He scoffed at that, then gave me a wink.<br>"You wound me. Of course, lass, though ye've stolen one of my playmates, I hear. How is the Goblin King, anyway?" All he gets in return is a smirk and a gesture to the File of Ways to Tick Off the Goblin King...and Sarah. "My, that files grown. Can I take a look sometime?" I can't help but laugh, knowing that even if I say no, he'll find a way to see them. I inform him as much, and he just shrugs with a grin.  
>"Now, that formalities are over, cut the fancy talk. What's up, how can I help, and how can I twist the situation to get more fun out of it for me?". The sage of tricksters has taught me well. His impish grin says it all. He informs me that he has long heard of this catostrophic romance, and he's come to see what he can get out of it. I pull him up to speed, and inform him that the most entertainment is to be found by supporting the whole thing, and rooting for both sides, with undercurrents of goblin favoritism. He seems surprised at this. Apparently my tormenting of the goblin monarch has reached my friend's ears.<br>"What do you want me to say, Robin? I've always been sympathetic to the misunderstood ones. And trust me, there's a LOT of confusing misunderstandings here! I'm not sure even you can make it worse!". At this he raised his eyebrows in an, 'Oh really? Is that a challenge?' fashion. "Look, I'm not discrediting your skills, I'm sure you could screw it up more somehow, and it would be very amusing to watch, but despite my constant pestering, I actually am trying to work things out! I'm doing the next best thing to causing tangles...I'm undoing a very big one." ..."Close your mouth, Goodfellow. I can't be working to make things worse ALL the time. I DO want to get to the nicer half of the afterlife somehow, you know! And I really hope the Big Man is watching, because these are some EXTREMELY difficult good deeds!".  
>"I'm touched, lass. You really are a good person, deep down inside!"<br>"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" "Well, I have to tease SOMEONE around here! And since I'm planning on helping you...don't look so surprised, lass, we can't be on opposing teams!...You'll have to do, as there's no one else about." I scan my thoughts hard for a victim (any victim!) besides myself he could torment...when it suddenly clicks. An evil grin spreads wide.  
>"Actually, there is another victim you could always toy with...His name's Raoul, and he's the cause of the heartbreak of a friend of mine..." The look of recognition and small smile tells me he knows the back story, and a certain French Viscount would have a rough time for a while...<br>"So where is the quirky couple, anyway, Quinn? I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me." I smile and fill him in on everything. Oh yes, studying at the hands of the master has certainly paid off, as a look of respect rises on his face.  
>" I'm proud of you, girly. Soon I'll have to watch my OWN back! Now if you'll excuse me, I don't want to be around when they return. I'm just observing right now...have to get the feel of the situation, y'know!" "I understand." So with a wink and a turn, he ran off fast as a bullet to his own small home, always there for his visits. Things are about to get very interesting... Speaking of which, where the heck are the Princess and the Pea-brained? <div> 


	4. Chapter 4

'Don't stress it, Quinn. They're just enjoying their secret freedom. You can worry about it in the morning." *WAIT! You're giving him 'till morning? Do you KNOW what he could do in that time frame?* 'Exactly! Just give them time together, it will work out!' *Don't listen to her! Our girl's probably in deep trouble if she hasn't come back frustrated by now!' * 'Maybe she's through playing games and is having a genuine, good time on the forced date! Wait, that came out wrong...' "WOULD BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Unfortunately, just because my head is full of imaginary characters doesn't mean I'm exempt from the normal argueing voices. So I decide that the best way to ignore them and just let all lie, I would have to drown them out somehow. I stalk off in search of something (ANYTHING) to end my quarelling mind.

*MEANWHILE:* "Is she gone, Quill?"  
>"Yeah, she's gone."<br>"Good. Now, I need your help with something. It shouldn't take long..."  
>" I don't think that'd be a good idea, Mister."<br>"It's alright, Quill. It's for her own good. You want to see her happy, don't you?"  
>"I...well...she...yes."<br>"Good. Then listen closely, it's very important..."

INTUITION. I shudder involuntarily...someone is up to something I'm not supposed to know about. Boggit, that usually meant someone was up to no good...Hey, don't judge me. If you lived around his tightness 24-7, you would swear by things like glitter and the bog and chickens, too. However, I soon forget about nearly everything, as I find the usual balm to my confusion. Music. More specifically, opera...Now, I'm not going to lie to you. Partially because Kingy HATES lies, partially because I don't like 'em much either. I am an extremely reckless, strange, infuriating person. I have been told so on many a fine occasion. However, as wild as I may get, is it ever true that music does indeed tame the savage beast. Unless, of course, the savage beast is a masked angel of music himself...but wait, I was trying to describe my self here, in an off way.) I will, quite idiotically, run straight into a lightning storm to dance, just because its dancing in a lightning storm, but when I (or anyone else, really) approach the resident Phantom, the proper response is to walk normally so he knows you're there, sit down a relatively safe distance from the organ, and LISTEN. Just...listen.

He doesn't mind an audience, exactly, if you shut up, (something I rarely do) sit down, and appreciate the music. Unfortunately, not too many people do that anymore. But, I do. Hence why I have not died by punjab yet. That and it would tick Kingy off. Not that that would at all bother OG...When the tormented soul stopped playing or a moment, he turned to look at me, which as all good little fangirls know, is an extremely compelling experience. He opened his mouth and his gilded voice summoned beautiful words...

"Well, then. Seeing as that glittering fop is gone, and you are here, I think it's about time we had a conversation regarding your choice of hospitality." Well, this doesn't sound promising at all. He's very irritable, and now has a fine set of abandonment issues, thanks to a certain prima donna. If someone ticked him off so much he wanted to talk to me about it instead of insantly punjabbing them off of the rafters, this could end very badly for him, me, or the person in particular. Possibly all three. I adress him in a tentative tone...

"Alright, I've got some free time. What's up?". Yeah, screw tentative. I'm still edgy from whatever's going on. His lips curl slightly in distaste. He prefers more formal language, due to his time period. Oh, well. If he really cared all that much, he would be somewhere else. He filled me in on the situation. Apparently, some idiot had DARED touch his organ. Not only did they TOUCH it, but there was circumstancial evidence that they had attempted to PLAY it! All this led to an offense worse than death. I did a quick inspection. There was slime here and there and a distinctly fishy scent. I picked up on who it was pretty quick.

"I'm sorry, Erik. I've got no idea who would be stupid enough to touch your organ. Now, if you don't mind, GK has gone on a date with Sarah, and I'm concerned. I need t check in on them."

"You mean to tell me that that sop actually managed to get a date with her?" His expression was priceless. Well, half of it was. I nodded an affirmation. "How?".

"What can I say? I am good." This of course resulted in laughter, as he came to the conclusion I had done something evil. This is how I left him. I decided to give Gk and his (unwilling) date a little longer, and go back to base. Strangely enough, it's very dark. As in, ominously creepy dark. Oi. "Quill? Skeetch? Hop? Skip? GK? Anyone besides the creepy demon from Paranormal Activity or the Pale Man? Please don't be the Pale Man or the demon from Paranormal Activity. That would really be bad." Dark, sinster laughter filled the room. Then it was abrupty stopped and replaced by severe coughing. Apparently, no one told whoever the heck this was not to laugh maniacally in a place frequented by chicken loving goblins. However, I was feeling slightly less than sympathetic. "OK, if this is you, Erik, I am SOOOO taking your punjab privileges."

"What? NO! I'm not that stupid angsty musical maniac! I am for more evil... I am your worst nightmare!" . This didn't exactly sound like my worst nightmare, but I went through a brief check list to make sure.

"Are you the demon from Paranormal Activity or the Pale Man?". They aren't my worst nightmares, but they were creepy as all get out. "NO! Grrr... why do you assume that? Are those even your worst nightmares? HA! I am the most evil, terrifying being in existance!". Oh, crap. That could only mean one thing. "You mean...you're...you're... A middle aged female Twihard with a severe case of fangirl crushing Team Edward?". This may or may not have been said in a tentative scared voice, with mild cringing. Hey, I may be surrounded by misunderstood villains, but even I've got fears. "HOLY-NO! Oh my God, no! That just...NO! That's horrible! How could you even think that? I take it back! I'm the second scariest thing in existance. Yeesh...thanks for the nightmares!" Well...it's good to know that there was already something I liked about this guy. His apparent taste made me feel better already. "Ok, then. Who are you?".

"I am Dr. Horrible. I have a Ph. D in horribleness." *GASP* I'm not proud of what happened next. It involved sudden tears. When he got confused and asked me what the heck was going on, he got a simple response. "That tool killed Penny." Which involved a stricken, sad look, and a mutual agreement that Captain Hammer was the biggest, most disgusting tool in the world. Then there was sweet tea and a heart to heart. "Why are you even here, anyway?".  
>"Plot twist. Sorry." An apologetic look, followed by knockout thought plagues me as the darkness closes in. 'Wait...we have a plot?'. Another day in paradise. Oi.<p> 


End file.
